The obvious straight-out-of-the-gate differences are the ones people tend to focus on most in the first year - sleep patterns and food intake. Everett always slept really well, right from the beginning. No cuddling, no singing, no low lights - nothing special was needed to get that boy to sleep. I would just put him in the co-sleeper and away he'd go. Del, on the other hand, needs constant cuddling and sometimes singing and most definitely will NOT sleep in her crib at all any more. If my body is not adjacent to her she will not fall asleep at night. Which is annoying even if I adore the cuddles and secretly believe that the constant closeness is why she is so mom-oriented.
On the food end, well Everett would eat anything especially vegetables. Del is pickier and prefers boob. She'll nibble at real foods but often refuses to eat more than that. Unless it's turkey, then LOOK OUT.
The differences I've been focusing on lately though are the milestones. Delilah has been communicating with us a lot lately. Her word of choice for when she wants food or drink is "apple" - which took me a few days to figure out. She was getting quite a few apples until I did. Ev's word of choice was "nom-nom", but the message is loud and clear for both. I mean, the girl is now clearly saying "apple" in the middle of the night when she wants more boob - which is both disconcerting in the wee hours to wake up to and also kind of awesome.
But Delilah. Man. When she wants something she lets you know verbally. "Up" means up, down or open. She grunts if she wants something she can't reach and thinks you aren't responding fast enough.
She's actively closing doors these days. Actual doors, refrigerator doors - whatever.
She can drink from a sippy, a straw and a cup (but I have to hold the cup so she doesn't dump it).
When she wants out she gets her coat and sometimes her shoes and brings them to me. I hold the coat open and she inserts her arm correctly. She tries to put on shoes by herself. Big adult shoes she lifts her leg for but can't quite do it. Little shoes she tries to drop the shoe on her foot magically.
She gets how to use forks and spoons and she tries to use them when they are given to her.
If I tell her to bring me something in her hands she does. If I call her she comes.
Last night she decided she was ready to go to sleep and she dragged her bouncy chair in from another room to get the message across. Then when we put her in it and draped a blanket over her she went out like a light in minutes.
Some of these things Everett was able to do when he was 15 months old, but others are way ahead of him. And when she does something months (or even a year) sooner than he did it..I am blown away with pride and excitement. And then those feelings are washed away with the realization that Ev couldn't do them. I mean, it took SO LONG for him to be able to drink from a straw. Which doesn't sound like a big deal until you remember how at my last conference with his ST and OT they told me about his low muscle tone in his face, which explains why he couldn't suck on a straw without drooling it all out.
That's when it hits me, the severity of his developmental delays. And I want to hug him so tight because I know how much harder he has to try at these things that are and will come more easily to her.
It's a double edged sword, having two special snowflakes each progressing at their own rates.
I don't mean for this to sound condescending, so please don't think that; but it must be really hard for you to have one delayed kiddo & one fast learner. Kinda makes you feel bipolar, doesn't it? Like you want to celebrate for Del without making Ev feel bad about himself. (No matter how I tried to say that, it came out wrong - I hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to say, in that I really and truly feel for you.)
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Del is picking stuff up easier, because she has Ev to show her the way. My mom always says that I learned stuff way faster than my brother, because I watched him all the time. Of course, I think it's because I was brilliant & he was/is kind of a numbskull, but that's a whole 'nother issue! :D
No, no, I get it. I often forget that Ev has any delays but with Del suddenly advancing it's constantly on my mind. Which seems like such a lowsy thing to say when I know people, such as yourself, who have a child that you can not forget has delays and whatnot. I think that I am realizing Ev's issues are more than what we originally thought and I wonder how far they actually go. Maybe we'll find out he is on the spectrum down the road. Or maybe not. It's a weird place to be in, unsure and not wanting to think the worst case scenario or overlook actual problems. But so far I haven't worried about Ev's feelings being hurt or emotional state. I don't think he even realizes what others can do that he can not. Which is part of why I worry.
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